Where’s My Mom?

2 Jul

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These are my parents.  Isn’t my Mom lovely?  Those glasses are so 1960’s, aren’t they?  My Dad was so handsome, my son looks just like him.

I have only a few vivid childhood memories of my Mom.

I remember begging to sit by her while she was working on the sewing machine and then proceeding to barf grape juice in our laps (I still do not drink purple grape juice).

I remember getting caught sticking my tongue out at cars that drove by my grandparents house and getting my bottom swatted.

I remember telling my Mom that my favorite toy, a wooden cow that mooed when you pulled it, was broken on one particular April Fool’s Day.

I remember showing her how I could do a cartwheel in the living room.

I remember her playing the piano at church.

I remember when she got sick.

I remember almost everything about the day when my Dad told me she had died.  I was 5.

I’m 43, I should be done grieving, right?  Mostly I am.  But, damn-it, there are some days that I just want my Mom!  I just know that if she was still here that I could pick up the phone and share with her how crazy the kids are making me today, or ask for a recipe, or plan to meet her for lunch and shopping, or ask her to come take care of me because I don’t feel well, or just talk about nothing at all.

Now, my Dad remarried and I was raised by a “Mom” and a Dad along with 2 sisters.  But it’s not the same, she was not my Mom.

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, that’s not why I am sharing this with you.  Once I became an adult, there were many times I was very angry about losing my Mom at such a young age and I felt sorry for myself.  As I have matured, it has become clear to me that it has made me a better Mother.

Why? You ask.  Well, I will share one reason with you…….

My Step-Mother was not a “huggy-kissy” kind of mother.  And not just with me, she was never that way with my step-sisters either.  She is not a huggy-kissy Grandmother.  Me, I am a huggy-kissy kind of mother and I am sure when I have grandkids I will be a huggy-kissy Grandmother too.  This was something that I missed as a child.  All my friends had huggy-kissy Mom’s so I vowed to show that love to my kids when they came along.

My children know that I love them.  My 18 year old daughter still kisses me good-bye (and goodnight), we all tell each other “I love you”, we are very close.  I try to treat my children how I am sure my own mother would have treated me.

Sometimes I wonder if we would have even gotten along.  Would we have fought like cats during my teen-age years?  Would I have done the opposite of everything she said?  Maybe, maybe not.

I guess today I was just missing my Mom.  No reason.  I think about her every day.  I hope that she is proud of the woman I have become.  I know that she is up there watching over me and my family.  One day she will get to meet my wonderful husband, she will get to hug her grand-children, and sit down with me for that lunch.  Hopefully she loves sweet tea just as much as I do!

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